Depression

I have probably suffered from a form of depression since I was about 16 years old. I felt my world was falling apart. My mother had just died and my father was a drunk. He was constantly in and out of bars and abusing me. During that time i was looking after my two little sisters one is 3 and the other is 6. When another disaster struck. I was rocking my 3 year old baby sister in the hammock when she fell and hit her head, my baby sister received massive head injuries and died two weeks later. I started to blame myself for my sisters death and was now feeling i was to blame for my mother's death. I didn't want no one close to me not even my other sister. I felt if she came near i would have harmed her so i kept to myself. My father would come home and tell me i was nothing and would degrade me. I felt i was worth nothing and would constantly cry for no apparent reason. All of a sudden i withdrew from my friends and what i loved the most my volleyball. I had no energy to do anything, and what made it worst that my father didn't care how i felt. When i turned eighteen i was constantly abusing drugs like Valium, marijuana and other antidepressant. Many a nights i would sit on my roof top contemplating suicide. I felt that if i had died no one would care or miss me. I had already dropped out of school and was heading nowhere and quite fast too. Because of past events and was abused. Now i am twenty two years old on medication in a rehabilitation center.